Why Television At Night Is Bad For You
by Rose Darkfire
Summary: New Chapter Up! Sam in a net, Legolas forced into marriage and jokes about Aragorn’s, umm, sword size. Not a mary sue (i finally found out what they are now)
1. Author's Note

I fixed it! For those who saw this story before and went 'pooy, the entire thing is a block of words' and skipped passed it, you may now rejoice! For it is fixed! I'm sorry it happened but this was my first fanfic but now all is well.

Seeing as you're all reading so intently, I would like to thank those who reviewed, many hugs go out to you!

*showers hugs*

For those who are curious this is based on real people. Said people are now aiming knifes at my back.

On that note I would like to point out that guns, while messy, are more effective and less painful.

Hugs

Oh and here is all the other stuff cause I forget to add it when I fixed this up

Title: Why Television At Midnight Is Bad For You

Rating: PG 13

Pairings: Depends how drunk I am…anything is possible

Disclaimer: alright my alwful secret must come out…I didn't write Lord of the Rings! It belongs to Tolkien but he likes to share with me!

Summery: IT'S FIXED NOW! Sam in a net, Legolas forced into marriage and jokes about Aragorn's, umm, sword size. Okay it's a Mary Sue but it's decent I swear on Legolas's cuteness! 


	2. In The Beginning There Was Television

"Ahhhh!!!!" 

Thump!

This was the sound that signified the discourse between two realities. The merging of dimensions and beginning of the end.

"My back is hurting!"

Also proof that watching television at midnight is bad for you.

The person that caused these noises, looked around at her surroundings with a dazed look on her face. Finally her eyes focused and they came to rest on several people whose quest had been interrupted by her abrupt entry from the sky.

"Ohmygod, mum is gonna kill me"

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Meanwhile

Ohmygod Gemma's mum is gonna kill her!'

"Umm, Hannah I don't think that is a problem right now!"

"Yeah! I'm gonna kill her! How come GEMMA falls into the Lord of The Rings universe and NOT ME!"

"Shut up Alanna"  
Four very confused and one jealous friend of Gemma's sat around in Gemma's living room staring at the television set. Watching in dumb amazement, something they are very good at, as Aragorn helped Gemma to her feet and starting questioning her about her physical health. Sarah, showing a remarkable change in character, said something rather intelligent.

"Do you think we could do the same thing?"

Rosie scoffed in disbelief, "What? Kiss the screen when Legolas comes on and then somehow fall INTO the screen … it could work."

So one by one Sarah, Alanna, Hannah and Rosie jumped at the screen and followed Gemma into the world of Lord of The Rings. Unfortunately they all landed on Gemma's back.

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"STACKS ON!"

"Shut up Rosie!"

Once again the stares of the fellowship where upon them. However, Gemma's squirming and coarse language soon convinced them to get off her back NOW! As she was the only one they knew, Aragorn looked towards Gemma for an explanation for whom these strangely garbed women were. PJ's, especially at the length Gemma wears hers, are not appropriate for at time whose fashion is based on the Middle Ages. However, before Gemma could answer, Hannah cut in with an answer that lacked…well... thought

"OHMYGOD, this is sooooo cool! I'm, like, you know, Hannah!"

Smacking Hannah over her head Gemma gave a well thought over answer.

"These err 'women' are very distant acquaintances of mine. Mind our strange garb as the area in which we come from is lacking in, um, silk worms! Which provide our main source of … clothing! My name, as I indicated before is...Ranna!"

Alanna gave Gemma a very pointed look.

"Fine; it's Gemma. This is Rosie, Hannah, Sarah and the first…um I mean Alanna."

Aragorn nodded in acceptance of these 'facts'. However, Gemma was on a roll. And you all know how hard it is to shut Gemma up when she is on a roll.

"Somehow we have appeared in this area, which is unknown to us. The time in which we come from has certain, um, facilities that enable us to look at different times and thus we know who and what you are and the nature of your quest.  Thus Gandalf asked us to help you in your quest should he fall, which he did, may I add!"

Fortunately the fellowship bought it. 

So the fellowship gained some extra members as they journeyed towards Lorien.

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Later that night.

It had been an exhausting day. Gemma had spent the entire day asking Legolas questions about Mirkwood and bows and arrows, dropping not so subtle hints about that fact that she was single, he was single…put the two and two together….

Alanna was much more to the point however.

"I hear Arwen's sleeping around!"

"I have a nice knife that want's to meet Arwen!"

"For Godsake! Me better than Arwen!!!"

Unfortunately all the years as a ranger had somewhat lowered Aragorn's level of comprehension.

"Yeah, she is really pretty, isn't she?" which left Alanna stalking off murmuring that the agreement between Gemma and her was not valid if Aragorn didn't get the message.

Hannah seemed to receive much amusement in pointing out to Sam that Rosie's name was Rosie! And therefore they should marry. However, Sam didn't get it. But Frodo did which caused him to give dark looks at Rosie for daring to try and steal his loverboy. However, Hannah had much bigger problems. Gimli had seen the very lively resemblance between Hannah and female dwarfs. So he started following Hannah around muttering something about locks of hair.

Sarah had taken Boromir aside to give him so well needed hints on popularity. She had mistakenly mentioned that many people that knew what the quest was about didn't like him. Thus he had implored her, begged her rather, to help him.

"It's your hair! Your hair must say everything about yourself and your's just screams 'loser'".

Finally they made camp and the politics of the sleeping arrangements caused many problems.

Firstly, there were simply not enough beds.

As Gemma had spent a lot of time complimenting Legolas on his hair, he offered her his.  Gemma smiled smugly at Alanna in silent triumph. Who was having a lot of trouble trying to convince Aragorn that he should share with her. Aragorn prudently volunteered for first watch. Hannah was bluntly refusing to be anywhere near Gimli, who was desperately trying to edge his bag closer to hers. Pippin, sensing her refusion and sharing in her pain (never AGAIN would he sleep next to Boromir), offered his blanket to her. Although Hannah is short herself, she had never really like other short people, until now. But it seemed that the most trouble fell to Rosie who was becoming victim to Frodo's malcontent. The blue-eyed hobbit had hatched a plan to convince the fellowship that she was evil and needed to be disposed of.  The reason? How dare she have the name ROSIE! 

The Ring works in mysterious ways.

Thus Rosie found herself without a blanket.

Sarah had Boromir wrapped around her finger. Which meant she not only got a blanket and a bedroll but she also had a pillow. How it's possible to convince someone that giving up there bed will increase their popularity and hair we will never know.

After the bed situation had been fixed it was time for supper.

When Sarah say's she can cook, don't believe her. She can't. The only reason she had been allowed to cook the rabbit in the first place was due to Boromir's threatening presence glaring at anyone who dared to protest. Boromir seemed to have taken a liking to Sarah whose idea's on 'renovating' Boromir was mainly directed at making him look as much like Harry Potter as humanly possible. 

Sam, the usual cook, muttered throughout the meal, as Frodo tried desperately to convince him that Rosie was somehow responsible for the overcooked condition on the meat. 

Finally, they all went to bed. Gemma snuggled up to Legolas, who looked a bit shocked and lay unmoving, unsure of what to do. Alanna talked in her sleep about murdering a certain occupant of Rivendale. Rosie shivered and Hannah didn't sleep a wink as she spent the entire night slapping away Gimli's wandering hands. And Sarah had a dreamy sleep filled with visions of Boromir mysteriously turning into Dan.

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The fellowship was quite used to getting up early. However our brave heroes were not. And after several desperate attempts a large amount of water was thrown over them. So say they were pissed was an understatement. This only served to ruin Frodo's plans of making Rosie appear evil in Sam's eyes. In Sam's reasoning, no one who would have been splashed with water while wearing a white top was evil.

Gemma, being the evil being she is, had convinced Legolas that the rest of the girl's had very possessive boyfriends and none of them would appreciate being talked to by such a hunk like him – direct quote. Thus Gemma took it upon herself to cause mischief in the fellowship, safe in the knowledge that no one could touch HER elf.

Smiling evilly, she skipped up to Gimli.

"So you're a dwarf"

"Yes"

"Cool, so you like Hannah."

"Yes, I find her fair face beyond compare."

"Sure you do. Hey, want to make a bet that you fall in love with someone else?"

"Never will I betray my darling Hannah."

"*snicker*, 'Darling Hannah' oh she is sooo not going to live this down. Okay, I say we make this bet and the winner gets to …" smiling winningly Gemma bent down to whisper something in Gimli's ear.

With a nod of agreement they shook hands and the bet was made.

Towards the back of the group, Hannah was keeping company with the young hobbits, Merry and Pippin. The three of them were having an argument over who was the stupidest member of the group. Hannah was adamant that it was Aragorn as he had still failed to recognise Alanna's not so subtle hints. Merry had his bets on Gemma, whose vacant eyed expression every time Legolas looked at her, had him less then impressed. On the other hand, Pippin was indecisive. Frodo had done some stupid things in his time at the shire but Boromir had drawn a lightening bolt on his head at Sarah's instruction. It was a tough competition. However there argument was fairly low key in contrast to the explosion that everyone was ignoring.

"EVIL! I'm not EVIL!"

Frodo, and everyone else within a mile radius, winced at the loud screeching.

"I didn't say EVIL, you might just have bad tendencies."

"Just a tic, you're the reason I didn't get a blanket last night! That was your fault and ... and … ACHOO!!"

You could call it karma that Frodo was on the receiving end of THAT snotty sneeze. The chill last night had left Rosie with a very large cold. Unfortunately Alanna's home made remedy of pine leaves and dirt didn't seem to be helping.

"Listen, it's just that …well. *sigh* I'm jealous 'cause of Sam."

Blinking once then twice, Rosie finally understood.

"Why didn't you just say so? As if I would date a short person! Get real!" with a flip of her hair Rosie stomped off leaving a very pissed off Frodo behind her. Unknowingly she had just made the situation a hell of a lot worse.

It was with a sigh of relief that the fellowship made keep within a couple of hours reach of the woods of Lorien. Gladly they let Sam cook dinner and the sleeping arrangements went off without a hitch. And this time Rosie did have a blanket. However, all the trouble this time happened on the watches. Aragorn took first watch and as he disappeared into the trees, Alanna followed him.

"Aragorn? Aragorn? Where are you? Is that…EWWW!!!"

"God, women! Can't you just let me have a PISS!?"

"EWW! EWW!!"

However, Alanna ran off in the wrong direction to the camp. Which resulted in a fairly interesting search party. The separated into pairs, Gemma and Legolas, Aragorn and Frodo, Sam and Rosie (much to Frodo's and Rosie's dismay), Hannah and Pippin, Merry and Gimli, Boromir and Sarah.

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	3. Does Size Really Matter?

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Legolas and Gemma's Search Party

"So how long does the courting for an Elvish marriage take?"

"Umm I'm not sure, I've err never courted someone before." Legolas sudden felt this extreme compulsion to run – very fast- in the opposite direction. However his common sense stopped him from doing this, from the look on gemma's face, she would kill him if he tried.

"That's real sweet, so do you love anyone?" the compulsion to run was becoming even stronger, feeling a bit hot under the collar, he tried to subtly change the topic.

"So, dwarfs are short aren't they?" so much for Elvish intelligence. 

" You're in love with GIMLI!" okay, that hadn't turned out the way he had planned.

"No!" Legolas shuddered at the thought, "a dwarf? That is gross! Umm, did you notice the tallness of the trees? Err…" Gemma sighed, when talk ran out it was time for actions.

So Gemma pulled Legolas into the bushes and made Legolas change his mind about running away.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Real life interlude.

Occh!

Ouch!

OWWW!!!

"Stop hitting me!" Real life Gemma was experiencing some real life pain at the hands of some, unfortunately, real life people.

"As if that would happen Gemma! And how could you do that to me? I'm not evil! Okay, maybe only on Tuesdays."

"Gimli! Gimli! Alanna, could you pass me that knife?"

"Certainly! Give her an extra stab for me! Legolas is mine! Mine!"

"Hehehe, nothing bad has happened to me! I don't even know who this Boromir is!"

"SHUT UP! I'm the author and I will do what I want! And if you don't like it I will marry all of you off to copies of Gimli and you will all have children that resemble Michael Jackson … AFTER THE SURGERY!"

Silence…

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Sarah and Boromir, I wonder what they are doing…

Sarah, not too concerned for Alanna's well being (was anyone?) had taken this opportunity to continue her work on Boromir. Critically she examined her work. The robe was okay; it didn't look TOO Harry-like though. At least his beard had been shaven but something was missing.

"The HAIR!'

"Pardon?"

"You need BROWN hair! Now…how to make a brown hair dye…." Leaving a very confused Boromir behind, Sarah collected a combination of rabbit droppings, dead leaves and some strange looking berries and made a hair dye. Without warning to the poor Gondor man, she duped the concoction on his head and instructed him to massage it into his head. 

Oh, it worked all right but the smell made you reconsider if it was REALLY worth it.

Happy with her efforts and with a plan to find a broomstick, Sarah happily skipped off, dragging Boromir with her.

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Sam and Rosie, should we have really left them alone?

"So, you're evil huh."

"Apparently so"

"Barney evil or Boromir evil."

"Oh, I haven't been told yet. Ask Frodo, he's the one who knows the most about my evil tendencies."

Sam and Rosie grinned at each other in mutual agreement.

"So, he would be really jealous is if said I liked you, huh Rosie?"

"You betcha by golly by jeez he would."

"You don't get out much do you?"

Their gossiping made them unaware of the direction they were taking and without warning, Rosie and Sam found themselves in a large net that was quite high off the ground.

"Mr Frodo isn't going to be happy."

" Miss Rosie is not going to be happy if you don't remove your elbow from MY EAR!"

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Hannah and Pippin's fun filled adventure.

It was the chance he had been waiting for, finally his evil plans would come into fruitation.

"Would you like an apple, Hannah?"

"No thanks, I'm on a strict junk food diet."

Okay, perhaps there was a delay in the plans.

"An orange then? Some rabbit? How about a slice of ham?" this caused Hannah to give Pippin a curious look.

"Ham, orange and rabbit? Where are you hiding these foods?" 

"Wouldn't you like to know! You could look for them on me if you like!" this comment would give Hannah nightmares for quite some years afterwards.

"Listen Hannah, I've got a proposition for you. Obviously you're too smart to fall for my trick to poison you. So I might as well ask. Merry and I's sex life is lacking some flavour. Would you like to be that spice that brings back the love?"

Blinking once, blink twice a look of comprehension descended upon her.

"You were trying to poison me! What a jerk! A gentleman would have hit me over the head with an axe! MEN!" with a toss of her head Hannah pranced off into the forest with a vow not to talk to Pippin for quite some time. 

"But you didn't answer the question … did you even HEAR the question!?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I bet you all wanted to know how Alanna is?

After running in the wrong direction for a while, she was caught by Elves from Lorien. Gladly, they took her to there home and gave her many male Elves to play with.

HA! 

That's my fate!

In truth, Alanna was dangling off the edge of a cliff; only her two hands were stopping her from plummeting to a very messy death. And there was NOT a river underneath her!

It was then that Aragorn found her, just in the nick of time. Being the manly man he is, Aragorn hauled her over the edge and into his arms. 

"Oww! My arm! I think you broke it, you idiot!" Alanna was not a happy chappy, dangly off a cliff was an inconvenience to her schedule. Managing to find her sense of direction, Alanna stalked off in the direction of camp. 

Aragorn was still sitting on his arse with on thought on his mind.

"I saw down her dressie!"

Sigh, adolescent boys.

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Alanna, still anger and so totally over Aragorn, stalked throughout the forest, totally ignoring her surroundings.

"Alanna! Help! We're up here! ALANNA!! Could use a bit of help! Hey! Where are you going!?"

"What crawled up her arse and died?" muttering under her breath, she reached into the very fuzzy bits of her vocabulary that held all those words that shouldn't be said in public…and she said them!

"Hi Alanna! Look at boingir! That's your name right? Doesn't he look cool! Alanna?"

"What crawled up her arse and died?" never had she been so furious, flames were before her eyes. The look of murder of her face sent all manner of beasts running for the undergrowth.

"Alanna! Whatever you do, don't talk to Pippin, he is so inconsiderate. Poison is so last year, don't you agree? Alanna?"

"Hannah! There you are… hey, what crawled up her arse and died?"

Finally she reached her destination, reaching in to the bushes she pulled out a very flustered Gemma much to the protest of an equally flustered Legolas.

She pulled Gemma up by the scruff her collar and looked her in the eye (with the eye with the flames and anger in it). Slowly she raised her hand and held her fingers and inch apart.

"This big, Gemma. It was this big."

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	4. A Net! A Net! There Be A Net!

If anyone has been reading the reviews they will note that a certain, err, acquaintance of mine has tried to start a petition to get Rosie out of the net.  While it's an interesting idea, I think that Roise is the type of person who needs to be contained – for everyone else's security of course! If you believe otherwise, please do tell me, however if you would like to keep her in the net I would love to hear it! Hehe, would LOVE to hear it… 

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After all the drama they finally settled back to go to sleep. Forgetting the fact that Rosie and Sam were missing. However, sleep was nowhere near there minds. Gemma couldn't stop laughing while Alanna was glaring daggers at her. Gimli was delighted that Hannah suddenly found his company more enjoyable then Merry and Pippins, however her declaration that he would LOSE hands if they went anywhere near her was disappointing.  NO ONE was sitting near Boromir, as the stench from his hair was horrible, even Sarah had taken to avoiding him. Instead she sat with Merry and Pippin, both of whom were eying her up. Aragorn had suddenly decided that he loved Alanna, but Alanna's anger over his lack of inches had changed her mind. Trying to catch Gemma's attention, Legolas inched closer to her and cleared his throat nervously.

"Um, so."

"Hehehe … only an inch … an inch … hehehe."

"umm…Pippin tried to get with Hannah!!"

"WHAT! Okay, you have my full attention!" smiling in that way that is utterly handsome, Legolas threw him self into gossiping like an old woman.

"Well, Merry and Pippin are playing hide the summer sausage and they want a little bit of tomato sauce. Hannah is that sauce, although by the look of it, Sarah might be the BBQ sauce."

"Wow, this is what happens when you don't pay attention to anyone bar yourself! Tell me more!"

"Rosie and Sam are tied up in a net."

"They are missing?" quick head count "You're right! Wait, how do you know all of this and why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm an Elf and you never asked."

"Good point. Are they in any danger?"

"Some; there are wolves."

"They can handle it."

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"Occh! That is my leg! Would you stop squirming! Every time you move I get poked by one of your limbs! IS THAT YOUR TOE!"

"No, it's not my toe…"

"Oh … now is REALLY not the time …"

"Sorry …"

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Morning...

SPLASH!

"Can't you think of anything else besides WATER!'

Legolas sighed and helped the soaked Gemma to her feet. She was the only one who had slept in these mornings. Much to everyone else's amusement. Bending down, Legolas whispered in her ear. "Do you think we should help you-know-who and you-know-what."

"You mean help Pippin get with Hannah? Oh, Rosie and Sam!'

"Yes, but that is a good idea of yours."

"Thanks! You're almost as evil as me! Well, I guess we should check on them."

Straightening up and to removing her arm from Legolas, Gemma raised her voice.

"HEY! Brain deads! Sam and Rosie ain't here!"

Blink once, blink twice.

"YES!"

"Thank you god!"

"Do a little dance, make a little love! Get down tonight!"

"Eww…no Gimli, and what did I say about HANDS!"

Sighing Gemma shook her head … at least she had been a little less obvious. Knowing that she would have to convince them to rescue them she did what she does best…lied.

"Their already dead and tied in a net. We are running out of supplies and I hear cannibalism is all the range in Rohan this season."

"Yes! Legolas, because you're the only one who is smart enough, lead the way!" 

So, with thoughts of Sam on the spit and Crème of Rosie, they went in search of their lost companions. 

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Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer…I mean…last night…

"Sam, what's that growling noise?"

"Sorry, I'm hungry."

"No, it sounds like a wolf…"

"Oh! Look there is a large puppy down there! I wonder if it knows any tricks.  Sit doggie, siiiiittt."

"OHMYDEVIL, I'm going to die before I tried a bottle of Gemma's delicious liquid fudge…SCORE!"

"Um Rosie."

"Yes Sam."

"That there is a wolf."

"Yes, I know Sam."

"Are we going to die Rosie?"

"What is death Sam? To the great mind, death is merely the next great adventure."

"Rosie?"

"Yes Sam?"

"Either you have been into the Gaffers home brew or you have read Harry Potter too many times."

"I know Sam, I know."

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Gemma murmured angrily as she tore another burr from her PJ pants and shot a look of accusation at Legolas. The path to where Sam and Rosie were was fairly easy, so why was he taking them THE LONG WAY?! Noticing Gemma's look of pure malice, Legolas slipped back to whisper his plan in her ear.

"We are not going anywhere near them, I'm taking them on a shortcut to Lorien. I've tried to convince Aragorn to take this shortcut but he thinks he knows best and refuses to listen to me. This is our only chance to take it."

Gemma stared at him in anger, "Does this plan hurt anyone? Does it cause anyone heartache? Will it result in any deaths?"

"No."

"Then what's the point?"

"Umm, we won't see Rosie and Sam again."

"That's alright then. But why didn't you say so earlier?' shaking his head he gave her a piercing look.

 "And ruin everyone's hopes of Rosie kebabs?"

"Hmm, I'll do that myself later but, uh, Legolas, if you don't take an easier path then I will hurt you."

"I'd like to see you try."

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Back to Rosie and Sam's meeting with the wolves.

" I wonder what Mr. Frodo's doing now?"

"If I was Mr. Frodo I would be celebrating the welcome relief from your annoying VOICE!" Then Rosie made a sound that signified that she was grinding her teeth together with quite a lot of force. 

"No, he is probably worrying about me…he can't live without his Sam …I hope he hasn't tried to tie his shoelaces without me. That sort of thing is too dangerous for him."

"Um, Sam?"

"Yes, Rosie?"

"There is a wolf that is about to eat us and you are worried about shoelaces?"

"Well, if he doesn't tie his shoelaces then he can't go to Mordor, can he? Then quest fails."

Looking longingly at the wolf below them, Rosie slipped her arm between the ropes and reached towards the ground.

"good, wolf, nice wolf. You'll eat Rosie and take away the pain of listening to Sam, won't you? Good wolfie…"

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	5. Bathing

A/N: I know this hasn't been update in ages, sry!

They made good time, towards Lorien and for some reason the rest of the group had forgotten about the original reason for the journey. Towards the front of the group, walked Sarah and Pippin. Sarah was patiently trying to explain why she had drawn glasses on Boromir's face the night before. When, suddenly, a figure came stumbling from the bushes behind them. Catching her breath, Gemma leaned against Sarah's shoulder in exhaustion. Short distances ran and top speed can have awful affects on the unfit.

"It was green and its wheel fell off…" Gemma gasped.

Sarah and pippin just gave Gemma twin withering gazes and left Gemma collapsing to the ground.  
"Wait…pecan nuts."

Sighing, Sarah shook her head.

"Honestly, I hope one day her blatant idiocy will end up with used as an impromptu bridge across a large river."

"Creative."

"No, painful," Sarah sighed and rubbed her arm's in remembrance, "very painful."

Some metres behind.

Hannah, lay unconscious on the ground while Gimli wailed his grief to a near deaf Merry. 

"I told her she shouldn't have eaten those peacan nuts."

Legolas, his delicate ears hurting at the dwarfs catawailing, sighed and went back to tending Aragorns injury. He probably should have told them that they weren't pecan nuts but rabbit droppings.

Aragorn groaned in pain. If only he had seen it coming. The green caravan had come unexpected at a great speed out of the undergrowth. At the last possible moment it's wheel had come off and hit Aragorn in the head.

Legolas slapped Aragorn across his unhurt leg.

"Keep still you twart! You'll only make it worse, idiot human."

"whe…where is Alanna?" Estel was still unaware the Alanna was curled up on the ground in silent laughter and was finding it very hard to breathe.

Groan "she is FINE, now keep still, you'll reopen the wound on your head."

Grumbling about human's lack of patience, he didn't hear the approach of the unexpected guests.

Appearing, without warning, the elves quickly surrounded the remainder of the fellowship.

"The dwarf breathes so loud tha-what the hell happened here?"

Haldir looked around with an expression of shock on his elven features, the lady Gladerial had warned him that he might find that the fellowship brought great evil. But this wasn't evil, this was CHAOS! A young maiden lay unconscious in a strange position that resembled someone doing an Egyptian dance with a dwarf, of all creatures, openly weeping at her pain. Estel, the hope of Rivendale, sat with the mark of wheel printed firmly across his head, while another maiden stood behind him, laughing at Aragorn's appearance. A halfing and smelly man of questionable appearance stood a bit further back. The only one who seemed to have any sense of the lot was an elven prince, Legolas, who was attending Estel's wounds. He was supposed to bring THIS group to the Lady? Well, perhaps they weren't as stupid as they appeared. At least they seemed to have a little bit of dignity.

"NOBODY BELIEVES A WORD I SAY! What's that Gemma? Someone's in trouble? Oh, let's just ignore you! Lalala! I am an INTELLIGENT and DIGNIFIED lady! If you noone believes that then they can fist THEMSELVES!"

Say goodbye to dignity.

"err…Sarah and pippin didn't believe me." Gemma finished meekly after seeing Legolas' warning glare. Suddenly aware of her surroundings, Gemma noticed the appearance of Haldir and his fellow guardians.

"So, um." Gemma was a tiny wincey bit embarrassed of being caught off guard by Lorien's Marchwarden

"Err…. it was green and it's wheel fell off."

"Sarah?"

"And then Harry said to voldmort tha- huh? Don't you understand? Sigh, must I explain again that Ron and Harry are not in a relationship and that Dumbldore isn't Gandalf's sister?"

"No, I understand that it's just that…well…I have a feeling that Gemma was trying to tell us something important."

"How about, NO, Pippin. "

"Maybe we should turn back and check."

"You do you believe more? Me or Gemma?"

"Good point, you were saying?" 

With a sigh Haldir had lead the fellowship towards a small lake which was surrounded by a grassy area. The main purpose of this was to give them rest and a chance to bathe before they entered the woods of the lady. They had all divided into little groups and chatted idly amongst themselves while an area was pointed out for bathing.

The clear water of the lake made Gemma homesick but she got over it fast when a thought entered her head (a first!).

"Legolas?"

"Yes?"

"This 'bathing' thing. Is it done with clothes on?"

"Don't they have baths where you come from?"

"Not that I know of."

"Well, no you don't wear clothes." Suddenly that urge to run had crept over Legolas again.

"Can you bathe WITH someone?"

"Um, I don't see why not."

"Good, you wash my back and I'll wash yours."

So, with an announcement that if ANYONE else even THOUGHT about disturbing her cough and Legolas' cough bath time she would disembowel them. With a LEAF! (use your imaginations)

At a more grassy spot, Gimli had tenderly laid Hannah who was still unconscious. The dwarf was completely unaware of the elvish snickers that echoed around the area when he gently combed the hair away from her face. Realising he had a sense of responsibility towards the fellowship, Haldir reluctantly came forward to offer his help. 

"Hi everybody!"

"Hi Dr Nick!"

A pregnant pause followed these words, both speakers unsure why either had said what they had. With a silent and mutual agreement never to mention this to anybody, Haldir turned back around and left Gimil with Hannah. Screw the hurt girl, that was just TOO weird.

Instead, Hadir decided to grace Alanna with his presence. Unfortunately she was a bit indisposed at that moment!

Snicker,snicker,snicker "right Over him! The wheel ran RIGHT OVER HIM! HA!!!"

Perhaps the company of his fellow elves would be considerably better.

JOKE STATUS: Run into ground

"here wolfie, wolfie, wolfie! Stupid bugger, won't even bi-OCH! OMYSWEETBUGGERBOOKS! How, it's bleeding! It's bleeding!"

"Rosie?"

"Yes, och, Sam?"

"All you did was get your hair caught in my button."

"I know sam."


End file.
